Stress, Manipulation, and Masochism

WARNING: RANT AHEAD.

I must be a masochist. In the end I think we all are when it come to family and those we love. I speaking of those people (direct relatives) that you care for deeply and don't want to disappoint and want to upset. What point does a person reach where you feel that enough is enough? Especially manipulative relatives. Because several people may one day read this post, I won't name anyone directly.

I am not a passive aggressive person. I am far from it. When I am upset I will either walk away from you until I cool off enough to "discuss" the problem (without the urge to jab a sharp object in your eye), or I will tell you straight away that you are a bastard and an asshole and that you need to cut your shit. LOL. One particular relative that I am very close to seems to lack this ability to be forthright. Instead, they are manipulative. They are very apt at sizing up a person and assessing their weak points. I know -- I've watched them do this. I have even discussed their tactics with them about others. The worst part is that even after "discussing" this with them, they have the nerve to attempt this manipulation on me. I am convinced that they cannot help it. Manipulation is their second nature.

Let me give you a detailed example. Let us pretend you are my passive aggressive relative.

[Ready? Know your character? Good.]

I come to you and ask for a particular letter that came in the mail. I had given it to you earlier last week because I told you about it and you wanted to read it for yourself. Now, you say that you don't know where it is, but that you will look for it. In the mean time, you tell me to deal without it. Okay, that is pissy but I will not get upset because eventually you will come across it. I inform you that I cannot do what I planned to without it. Approximately two hours later, you come to me and say that you don't have the letter because you distinctly remember giving it back to me. Um...no. Sorry, don't think so buddy. I inform you that you must be mistaken, but I oblige by looking in my stack of crap for the letter. It's not with me. No surprise. I inform you of your false memory.

[I say false because I know you are talking out your ass. You too know that I know you are talking out your ass. Here come the manipulation.]

You then make statement (that blatantly belittles me) in the form of a question. You ask if I have made a good attempt to look through all my papers and mail...right? Piss on you bastard. Of course I did. You passed by me several times and witnessed my shuffling through paper. I say yes and tell you that you neither gave the letter back nor did I remove it from your desk. You say that you know I didn't "remove" it. You clarify that you never said that I "removed" it.

[At this point I have to seriously consider jail time. Should I walk over to you and karate chop you in the larynx? It would shut you up. The pain alone would wipe all the manipulative thoughts off your mind. But it would not allow me any pleasure. In the end you'd still win the argument.]

I respond calmly and say that I know you didn't "say" such a thing, but I know what you are implying. I accuse you of playing word games. I turn around to ignore you. I hear you still in the room with me. Breathing. Arrgh!!! I turn back around and say that I will handle the problem. I ask you to go away. You don't leave and become upset because I am not reacting to you. You then proceed to insult me, and say that I am childish because I want to you "hold my hand" and find the letter for me.

[Um...duh. You have the letter ass wipe.]

I turn the accusation around. I tell you to admit (like an adult) that you have no clue what you did with the letter. No. You don't like my control of the situation. You then say "to hell with it all." Just forget what I wanted to do because it's not important.

[We both know it is very important. I cannot do what I planned to without that letter. Now you are just being a manipulative ass...again.]

I agree with you for the sake of it. I am trying to control my rage. Yes...rage...pure violent rage. LOL. You eventually leave after I stare you directly in the eyes.

[I am not afraid of you in any way.]

Unfortunately, my anger overcomes me. I become so upset that I kick the fold-up table (that is unfolded currently) and it becomes disassembled and all the binders and folders go flying. Your face changes. You are suddenly calm again. You are smug.

See this is the type of manipulation I am talking about. My relative only feels good and in control when other people loose their control. And angering people is the way that they succeed this. When is enough enough? I cannot walk away. Impossible. But I have a plan. Maybe if I manipulate them back without them knowing it. Maybe I should practice remaining calm at all times. I should do things without their agreement. Just live my own life. Treat them like everyone else treats them (since they are more outgoing for strangers than their own blood). I will just remain aloof. Then they will have nothing to manipulate.